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Do you have an ex who has been hanging around for years or a f*ckboy that’s been messing with your head? What about those people you text when you’re feeling lonely or bored or who you think you might be interested in someday? I call these people the “maybes:” the exes, previous dates, and “it’s complicated” relationships that didn’t work out the first time around, but you keep their number in your phone “just in case” or are hoping something will change.

For some guys, they go about this subtly. Instead of directly asking the girl out on a date, they stick around her and do nice things for her, hoping she’ll start having feelings for them. But in any case, waiting for a lady to make a move on you is a huge dating mistake. It’s a simp move. If you want her, just go for her. There are also a group of guys who have a fantasy about the kind of girl they want but don’t do what it takes to get them. And one of the major reasons for this is that guys often select the kind of girl they want based on ego. They want the girl that has it all. The looks, the great skin, the class, and everything in between. And because of this perfect ideal they have in their heads, they pass on great relationships. This, however, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with having high standards. But be realistic with your standards. Don’t have standards that are only possible in your fantasies.

Scientifically, it’s been found that making eye contact with someone we love makes us feel good. And this is because when two people who are attracted to each other mutually gaze into each other’s eyes, the brain releases oxytocin, which in turn makes the two people looking at each other bond more. Furthermore, a man who always makes good eye contact with his woman makes her feel special. When he’s looking at her, it’s evident that he’s paying attention. It means he respects her, and whatever she has to say is deserving of his undivided attention. Most women are turned on by a deep baritone voice. And this is partly because we all want what we don’t or can’t have. Women typically have soft and mild voices. And hearing a man who has a strong, deep voice just feels good.

Treat every date like it’s special: Okay, we know. Not every date is going to include sparks and fireworks. Sometimes it’s just plain boring or what you thought was going to be a great match turns out to be a total clash. But the important thing to remember is that every single date no matter the outcome is an opportunity for growth. You’re making a connection with another human, after all, and there’s always something to learn and something to share. Be curious, ask questions, find qualities about that person to appreciate, and after each date, even the duds. Take a moment to recognize how the experience contributes to your self-growth.

FYI: Being alone is a good thing. A single relationship status or even just time spent on our own allows us to turn inward, explore our truest desires, and get to know ourselves better. When we know ourselves and what we want, our dating lives become more fulfilling, successful, and fun. Any amount of time alone can be invested to understand what we want out of a partner, but more importantly, it can make us feel so whole we don’t need a partner. Let me go on a quick tangent about a few outdated dating rules that we really should ditch, like, yesterday. To start, my least favorites of all dating rules are “Don’t kiss on the first date” and the “Three-date rule.” Let’s just throw out any rules that imply that what you want to do with your body and when you want to do it are not up to you. Make your own rules based on comfortability and what you’re feeling.

Since it can be very challenging to examine yourself in this way, I highly recommend working with a dating coach. An unbiased third party can not only help you to identify what your current baggage is and why you’re still struggling with it, but also offer clear-cut advice on what you need to do to move past it. When new clients come to me unsure of why they keep accidentally sabotaging their own dating chances, I can often tell right away what baggage is getting in their way. Once you’re ready to really take a good look at your destructive beliefs and thought patterns, you can start replacing those with healthier and positive alternatives that will make you a more attractive, emotionally strong, and desirable partner.

Communication skills can make or break any dating situation. Case in point: if the fact that a date hasn’t introduced you to their friends is bothering you, and you don’t say anything to them about it, you’ll probably end up building resentment until you explode — and then they’ll be blindsided. So, once again, make it a point to start sharing your needs, wants, and feelings with the people you’re dating. It may feel scary at first, but it’ll pay off in the long run by helping you to A) better evaluate your compatibility with someone early on and B) avoid unnecessary conflicts.

Waiting for the right person to come around and treat us the way we want to be treated sounds exhausting. In the era of modernisation, dating is seen as a necessity rather than a source of happiness and joy. When we get into a relationship with someone, we accept them as they are with their flaws and imperfections. However, it is indeed important to look out for some major green flags in the person you are dating for a smooth and happy love life. Therefore, we have compiled a list of some important green flags that are important to formulate a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

Don’t…dismiss someone after just one date! Instead of jumping to a conclusion, consider that the other person may have been extremely nervous or just having a bad day. Unless it is obvious things won’t work out, have a second date to really get a feel for that other person. Many successful marriages all started on a bad first date! Who knows, you could be one of them too, one day. Do…be adventurous! When it comes to planning a date, think outside the box and book an activity you haven’t done before. Need inspiration? Subscribe to the @made_my_date mailing list and let your inbox be filled with fun dating ideas.